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What brought me out of the darkness on day 3? Still landing, this post can’t even glimpse it, but I’ll try.

The voice of the mind is concerned with our identity & place in the world, the intuition of the heart is where God speaks to us. When immersed in uncomfortable situations, our identity can feel threatened, & the mind spirals into fear & anxiety. A pattern I’m familiar with, but adding darkness to the mix was beyond what I imagined & brought rise to a darkness within me that was heavier than I had ever felt.

I prayed it would end, that time would disappear, & I would walk out victorious on day 10. Meanwhile, many of my loved ones prayed that God would give me whatever Insight I needed and get me out of there ASAP. - I believe he did exactly that.

On night 3, a dream guided me to my pranayama practice (breathwork). Later that morning, amidst a spiral of fear, I got to my mat. During that practice, my mind went silent, and my heart came through strong - it led me to leave the room & there was no questioning it.

A lot happened in those 3 days & it’ll take time to process, but I want to mention the ongoing fear of disappointing my community; that walking out early would mean I wasn’t strong enough & would let people down. That was my Ego keeping me in the room, and I realized it was my Ego that led me to the darkness in the first place—chasing an experience, longing to glimpse something I could share with everyone, something that may set me apart. - Thing is, I don’t want to be apart. 

Our Egos infiltrate the journey of ‘realization,’ and we obsess with practices & experiences. We sit in silence/darkness for 10 days, meditate, study scriptures, seek psychedelic experiences, and partake in rituals. The mind makes us believe this is ‘the work/the path’ - None of it represents or is a sign of spiritual advancement.

There is no measure of spiritual ‘awakening/enlightenment’ other than seeing & serving God in the eyes of every human being, without exception. We say there are many paths to God, but there is only one; it may look different, but there is only one path, and that path is LOVE.

That’s all. It’s really simple. Lose yourself in Love.
What brought me out of the darkness on day 3? Still landing, this post can’t even glimpse it, but I’ll try. The voice of the mind is concerned with our identity & place in the world, the intuition of the heart is where God speaks to us. When immersed in uncomfortable situations, our identity can feel threatened, & the mind spirals into fear & anxiety. A pattern I’m familiar with, but adding darkness to the mix was beyond what I imagined & brought rise to a darkness within me that was heavier than I had ever felt. I prayed it would end, that time would disappear, & I would walk out victorious on day 10. Meanwhile, many of my loved ones prayed that God would give me whatever Insight I needed and get me out of there ASAP. - I believe he did exactly that. On night 3, a dream guided me to my pranayama practice (breathwork). Later that morning, amidst a spiral of fear, I got to my mat. During that practice, my mind went silent, and my heart came through strong - it led me to leave the room & there was no questioning it. A lot happened in those 3 days & it’ll take time to process, but I want to mention the ongoing fear of disappointing my community; that walking out early would mean I wasn’t strong enough & would let people down. That was my Ego keeping me in the room, and I realized it was my Ego that led me to the darkness in the first place—chasing an experience, longing to glimpse something I could share with everyone, something that may set me apart. - Thing is, I don’t want to be apart. Our Egos infiltrate the journey of ‘realization,’ and we obsess with practices & experiences. We sit in silence/darkness for 10 days, meditate, study scriptures, seek psychedelic experiences, and partake in rituals. The mind makes us believe this is ‘the work/the path’ - None of it represents or is a sign of spiritual advancement. There is no measure of spiritual ‘awakening/enlightenment’ other than seeing & serving God in the eyes of every human being, without exception. We say there are many paths to God, but there is only one; it may look different, but there is only one path, and that path is LOVE. That’s all. It’s really simple. Lose yourself in Love.
1 month ago
View on Instagram |
1/9
I know some of you are eager to hear about all that I took away from the darkness in 3 days. I didn’t stay 10 days as intended, but I stayed long enough and was gifted what I needed. You’re gonna have to wait for details though. For now I leave you with this nugget.

“There is always light in the darkness, sometimes we just don’t sit in the dark long enough to see it, or maybe it came in a different color or shade than we hoped.”

#yoga #life #love #troyhadeed #trinidad #yogatrinidad #caribbeanwriters #popcorninmypocket #livingyoga #authorlife #darkness #light #breathe #gaiatv #yamatalent #faith #prayer #trinidadandtobago
#spirit #God #beyondyogatv #santosha #nosuchthingasdarkness
#authorlife #caribbeanauthor
I know some of you are eager to hear about all that I took away from the darkness in 3 days. I didn’t stay 10 days as intended, but I stayed long enough and was gifted what I needed. You’re gonna have to wait for details though. For now I leave you with this nugget. “There is always light in the darkness, sometimes we just don’t sit in the dark long enough to see it, or maybe it came in a different color or shade than we hoped.” #yoga #life #love #troyhadeed #trinidad #yogatrinidad #caribbeanwriters #popcorninmypocket #livingyoga #authorlife #darkness #light #breathe #gaiatv #yamatalent #faith #prayer #trinidadandtobago #spirit #God #beyondyogatv #santosha #nosuchthingasdarkness #authorlife #caribbeanauthor
1 month ago
View on Instagram |
2/9
Who am I? Sometimes I think I know, but the truth is that I’m pretty clueless. This photo by @___laurastevens___ recently showed me parts of myself I had never before seen. Tonight I embark on a journey of 10 solitary days in complete physical darkness to see if there is any more of me hiding behind the noise of our world. Why?

Not a short answer, but consider everything we believe ourselves to be is in relation to the external world. Our physical body, opinions, beliefs, religion, careers, lifestyle, role… Everything that defines us as individuals describes how we interact or fit in with the world around us. Furthermore, society places labels and ideologies on us, and we are told this is who we are; for the most part, we believe it. We claim ourselves to be many things; white, black, gay, straight, male, mother, catholic, hard-working, honest, republican...etc. But without any point of reference to draw comparison, these things don’t even exist. If we seek to know who we are, it would make sense to remove the external world & go inside. Who are we then?

While I cherish & appreciate the human experience in all its glory, I can’t accept that we are merely physical beings in a physical world. Beneath the physical, everyone and everything is Spirit. And believe it or not, that Spirit came out of the darkness before bringing forth light. We often think of darkness as ‘evil or bad,’ but consider that darkness is the womb of creation. Before there was light, all was one within the epic void of nothingness; light was born out of the darkness. 

It is with eager hesitation & humility that I surrender myself & all that I believe myself to be.
I have no idea who or what I am going to encounter in the darkness, but I do know that I will meet my mind in all its glory, be called to tame my ego, and come heart to heart with God, maybe even glimpse just one of his million faces. One thing for sure is that the man who walks out of that room will not be the same one that walked in. The scariest thing about it is that I really love the man that is walking into that room, but I know I will love the man that walks out as well.

See you in the light. Send highest vibrations.

Love
Who am I? Sometimes I think I know, but the truth is that I’m pretty clueless. This photo by @___laurastevens___ recently showed me parts of myself I had never before seen. Tonight I embark on a journey of 10 solitary days in complete physical darkness to see if there is any more of me hiding behind the noise of our world. Why?

Not a short answer, but consider everything we believe ourselves to be is in relation to the external world. Our physical body, opinions, beliefs, religion, careers, lifestyle, role… Everything that defines us as individuals describes how we interact or fit in with the world around us. Furthermore, society places labels and ideologies on us, and we are told this is who we are; for the most part, we believe it. We claim ourselves to be many things; white, black, gay, straight, male, mother, catholic, hard-working, honest, republican...etc. But without any point of reference to draw comparison, these things don’t even exist. If we seek to know who we are, it would make sense to remove the external world & go inside. Who are we then?

While I cherish & appreciate the human experience in all its glory, I can’t accept that we are merely physical beings in a physical world. Beneath the physical, everyone and everything is Spirit. And believe it or not, that Spirit came out of the darkness before bringing forth light. We often think of darkness as ‘evil or bad,’ but consider that darkness is the womb of creation. Before there was light, all was one within the epic void of nothingness; light was born out of the darkness. 

It is with eager hesitation & humility that I surrender myself & all that I believe myself to be.
I have no idea who or what I am going to encounter in the darkness, but I do know that I will meet my mind in all its glory, be called to tame my ego, and come heart to heart with God, maybe even glimpse just one of his million faces. One thing for sure is that the man who walks out of that room will not be the same one that walked in. The scariest thing about it is that I really love the man that is walking into that room, but I know I will love the man that walks out as well.

See you in the light. Send highest vibrations.

Love
Who am I? Sometimes I think I know, but the truth is that I’m pretty clueless. This photo by @___laurastevens___ recently showed me parts of myself I had never before seen. Tonight I embark on a journey of 10 solitary days in complete physical darkness to see if there is any more of me hiding behind the noise of our world. Why? Not a short answer, but consider everything we believe ourselves to be is in relation to the external world. Our physical body, opinions, beliefs, religion, careers, lifestyle, role… Everything that defines us as individuals describes how we interact or fit in with the world around us. Furthermore, society places labels and ideologies on us, and we are told this is who we are; for the most part, we believe it. We claim ourselves to be many things; white, black, gay, straight, male, mother, catholic, hard-working, honest, republican...etc. But without any point of reference to draw comparison, these things don’t even exist. If we seek to know who we are, it would make sense to remove the external world & go inside. Who are we then? While I cherish & appreciate the human experience in all its glory, I can’t accept that we are merely physical beings in a physical world. Beneath the physical, everyone and everything is Spirit. And believe it or not, that Spirit came out of the darkness before bringing forth light. We often think of darkness as ‘evil or bad,’ but consider that darkness is the womb of creation. Before there was light, all was one within the epic void of nothingness; light was born out of the darkness. It is with eager hesitation & humility that I surrender myself & all that I believe myself to be. I have no idea who or what I am going to encounter in the darkness, but I do know that I will meet my mind in all its glory, be called to tame my ego, and come heart to heart with God, maybe even glimpse just one of his million faces. One thing for sure is that the man who walks out of that room will not be the same one that walked in. The scariest thing about it is that I really love the man that is walking into that room, but I know I will love the man that walks out as well. See you in the light. Send highest vibrations. Love
2 months ago
View on Instagram |
3/9
Hope is a beautiful thing, don’t get me wrong, but Hope and Faith are NOT interchangeable. At the elementary level hope implies an element of doubt, anxiety, worry, and is generally directed towards our desires and dreams. Faith is far bigger than hopes and dreams, and also carries an unwavering confidence and knowing.

Let’s drop a pin here and acknowledge that a belief in God or religion is not a prerequisite for anyone to have faith. On the contrary, faith comes first. It is due to one’s faith that we can even entertain the idea of God. In other words, consider that faith is an absolute knowing that we are part of something bigger than ourselves and that there is some force or intelligence guiding us, protecting us, and holding us close, even when we are face down in the mud. 

Faith is what picks us up when our hope and dreams have been shattered and nothing appears to be going our way. Having faith is not the belief that we can manifest everything we desire or predict the future, it is understanding that there is an intelligence that dreams bigger than we do and has to consider things we may not yet understand. Faith is willing to risk failure because it understands that is part of the process.

To have faith is to show up with absolute commitment even when it’s hard and uncomfortable. With that said, faith is also having the courage to turn your life around, trust your intuition, and step into the unknown. Faith is bigger than our hopes and dreams, it is that constant whisper throughout all of the human experience that says, “Trust the process, trust the process, trust the process. You may fall, but I got you. Trust the process.”

The world at times can be heavy and appear to be in shambles. Sometimes its hard to see where we are heading or whats gonna come of it all, but Trust The Process. All we got to do is show up, do the best that you can, and trust.
Hope is a beautiful thing, don’t get me wrong, but Hope and Faith are NOT interchangeable. At the elementary level hope implies an element of doubt, anxiety, worry, and is generally directed towards our desires and dreams. Faith is far bigger than hopes and dreams, and also carries an unwavering confidence and knowing. Let’s drop a pin here and acknowledge that a belief in God or religion is not a prerequisite for anyone to have faith. On the contrary, faith comes first. It is due to one’s faith that we can even entertain the idea of God. In other words, consider that faith is an absolute knowing that we are part of something bigger than ourselves and that there is some force or intelligence guiding us, protecting us, and holding us close, even when we are face down in the mud. Faith is what picks us up when our hope and dreams have been shattered and nothing appears to be going our way. Having faith is not the belief that we can manifest everything we desire or predict the future, it is understanding that there is an intelligence that dreams bigger than we do and has to consider things we may not yet understand. Faith is willing to risk failure because it understands that is part of the process. To have faith is to show up with absolute commitment even when it’s hard and uncomfortable. With that said, faith is also having the courage to turn your life around, trust your intuition, and step into the unknown. Faith is bigger than our hopes and dreams, it is that constant whisper throughout all of the human experience that says, “Trust the process, trust the process, trust the process. You may fall, but I got you. Trust the process.” The world at times can be heavy and appear to be in shambles. Sometimes its hard to see where we are heading or whats gonna come of it all, but Trust The Process. All we got to do is show up, do the best that you can, and trust.
2 months ago
View on Instagram |
4/9
Chronicles Of The Bush Roach: staring @ayannacezanne @troyhadeed @claudiocaluori @presskid
Chronicles Of The Bush Roach: staring @ayannacezanne @troyhadeed @claudiocaluori @presskid
2 months ago
View on Instagram |
5/9
This is so good it just had to be a reel. Family, community, and love transcend everything. I love you all.
This is so good it just had to be a reel. Family, community, and love transcend everything. I love you all.
2 months ago
View on Instagram |
6/9
I’ve always seen teacher training as a sacred experience and wanted to be sure I was ready. It took 15+ years of teaching, practice, and study even to consider facilitating the journey for anyone else. I still have no words for what occurred, but I will try.

I didn’t want to simple teach the art of sharing yoga in the form of postures and practices. None of that makes much sense to me if we are not committed to being better humans, getting over ourselves, and embodying a limitless and almost inconceivable love. To use the practice of yoga as a tool to quiet our minds and nurture a unique and intimate relationship with whatever divine agency we relate to, then to see that everywhere.

I wasn’t sure how it would play out, but I was going to give it everything and pray it was enough. We created a space where strangers became family, a space of introspection and inquiry, and a space of vulnerability and courage. On day one, they were thrown into the fire to teach, and on day two, they gazed into one another's souls in uncomfortable silence. After that, all we had to do was show up and trust; the rest was divinely orchestrated magic. 

The experience was not only transformational for everyone else, but I was clearly going through my S&#t as well. I decided this would be my last teacher training, then that I would stop teaching yoga altogether, then thought maybe I’d just disappear. That’s when Spirit would move through the room and gently kiss the back of my neck, whispering, “Are you seeing this? Enough with the emotional chatter; Get over yourself; We have work to do.”

Many have asked how it went? Let's just say that I couldn’t have imagined or dreamed this experience up. The tears that streamed down my face at the end of their first class would have been enough, but they dissolved conditioning and narratives, overcame emotional pain, and challenged the very idea of who they thought they were. What more could I hope for?

I’m still processing the experience, but I have been transformed in many ways and would be surprised if any one of us didn’t feel the same.
I’ve always seen teacher training as a sacred experience and wanted to be sure I was ready. It took 15+ years of teaching, practice, and study even to consider facilitating the journey for anyone else. I still have no words for what occurred, but I will try.

I didn’t want to simple teach the art of sharing yoga in the form of postures and practices. None of that makes much sense to me if we are not committed to being better humans, getting over ourselves, and embodying a limitless and almost inconceivable love. To use the practice of yoga as a tool to quiet our minds and nurture a unique and intimate relationship with whatever divine agency we relate to, then to see that everywhere.

I wasn’t sure how it would play out, but I was going to give it everything and pray it was enough. We created a space where strangers became family, a space of introspection and inquiry, and a space of vulnerability and courage. On day one, they were thrown into the fire to teach, and on day two, they gazed into one another's souls in uncomfortable silence. After that, all we had to do was show up and trust; the rest was divinely orchestrated magic. 

The experience was not only transformational for everyone else, but I was clearly going through my S&#t as well. I decided this would be my last teacher training, then that I would stop teaching yoga altogether, then thought maybe I’d just disappear. That’s when Spirit would move through the room and gently kiss the back of my neck, whispering, “Are you seeing this? Enough with the emotional chatter; Get over yourself; We have work to do.”

Many have asked how it went? Let's just say that I couldn’t have imagined or dreamed this experience up. The tears that streamed down my face at the end of their first class would have been enough, but they dissolved conditioning and narratives, overcame emotional pain, and challenged the very idea of who they thought they were. What more could I hope for?

I’m still processing the experience, but I have been transformed in many ways and would be surprised if any one of us didn’t feel the same.
I’ve always seen teacher training as a sacred experience and wanted to be sure I was ready. It took 15+ years of teaching, practice, and study even to consider facilitating the journey for anyone else. I still have no words for what occurred, but I will try. I didn’t want to simple teach the art of sharing yoga in the form of postures and practices. None of that makes much sense to me if we are not committed to being better humans, getting over ourselves, and embodying a limitless and almost inconceivable love. To use the practice of yoga as a tool to quiet our minds and nurture a unique and intimate relationship with whatever divine agency we relate to, then to see that everywhere. I wasn’t sure how it would play out, but I was going to give it everything and pray it was enough. We created a space where strangers became family, a space of introspection and inquiry, and a space of vulnerability and courage. On day one, they were thrown into the fire to teach, and on day two, they gazed into one another's souls in uncomfortable silence. After that, all we had to do was show up and trust; the rest was divinely orchestrated magic. The experience was not only transformational for everyone else, but I was clearly going through my S&#t as well. I decided this would be my last teacher training, then that I would stop teaching yoga altogether, then thought maybe I’d just disappear. That’s when Spirit would move through the room and gently kiss the back of my neck, whispering, “Are you seeing this? Enough with the emotional chatter; Get over yourself; We have work to do.” Many have asked how it went? Let's just say that I couldn’t have imagined or dreamed this experience up. The tears that streamed down my face at the end of their first class would have been enough, but they dissolved conditioning and narratives, overcame emotional pain, and challenged the very idea of who they thought they were. What more could I hope for? I’m still processing the experience, but I have been transformed in many ways and would be surprised if any one of us didn’t feel the same.
2 months ago
View on Instagram |
7/9
A necessary reminder for sure. It seems that these days we are all caught up in wanting to be healers, but remember that healers must first commit to do the work to be healed themselves, and it is an ongoing process, the work is never done. 

In the middle of holding space for a teacher training so can’t muster too much more for this caption but will leave this right here. 

Feel free to share your thoughts.

 LOVE
A necessary reminder for sure. It seems that these days we are all caught up in wanting to be healers, but remember that healers must first commit to do the work to be healed themselves, and it is an ongoing process, the work is never done. In the middle of holding space for a teacher training so can’t muster too much more for this caption but will leave this right here. Feel free to share your thoughts. LOVE
3 months ago
View on Instagram |
8/9
“Actions speak louder than words”  is a social perspective we sometimes conviently adopt without questioning whether it is true. We throw it around when it serves our cause, but often it is unconscious manipulation. Actions do NOT always speak louder than words.

Firstly, words are far more powerful than we realize. We can do all the right things to make someone feel loved & supported, but saying hutful things can undo all of it. On the other hand, words can also heal the pain caused by the disconnect of our actions. The things we say have a real & tangible impact, they may not always align with our actions, but they can communicate our feelings & intentions. 

You see, someone might try their very best to show up for us & love us, but we all have our conditioning, experiences, and even emotional disabilities that can prevent us from showing up for others in the ways they desire. Because someone does not embody or express their love in the way we need to be loved, does not mean someone doesn’t love or appreciate us. We sometimes have to communicate how we need to be loved and help someone remember what love means.

If you think everyone knows right from wrong and should know what it means to love and respect someone, not everyone does. As I’ve often mentioned, the greatest privilege in our world is having the experiences, support, and community that shows us what love is; the truth is that not everyone has that privilege.

Then there is intention. Someone might act in a way that makes you uncomfortable, challenges you, and even emotionally hurts you, but they could be doing their best or even acting out of what they think love is. Before we judge someone’s actions, it would serve us to understand their intentions, conditioning, and limitations.

In conclusion, actions speak louder than words sometimes, but not always. Authentic and vulnerable communication allows us to understand each other’s conditioning, dissolve our narratives, and then decide if we can accept someones actions. However, if someones actions are unacceptable, it doesn’t mean their itnentions are unpure, it could mean that they can’t do any better at that moment.

📸 @janedeclephotography
“Actions speak louder than words” is a social perspective we sometimes conviently adopt without questioning whether it is true. We throw it around when it serves our cause, but often it is unconscious manipulation. Actions do NOT always speak louder than words. Firstly, words are far more powerful than we realize. We can do all the right things to make someone feel loved & supported, but saying hutful things can undo all of it. On the other hand, words can also heal the pain caused by the disconnect of our actions. The things we say have a real & tangible impact, they may not always align with our actions, but they can communicate our feelings & intentions. You see, someone might try their very best to show up for us & love us, but we all have our conditioning, experiences, and even emotional disabilities that can prevent us from showing up for others in the ways they desire. Because someone does not embody or express their love in the way we need to be loved, does not mean someone doesn’t love or appreciate us. We sometimes have to communicate how we need to be loved and help someone remember what love means. If you think everyone knows right from wrong and should know what it means to love and respect someone, not everyone does. As I’ve often mentioned, the greatest privilege in our world is having the experiences, support, and community that shows us what love is; the truth is that not everyone has that privilege. Then there is intention. Someone might act in a way that makes you uncomfortable, challenges you, and even emotionally hurts you, but they could be doing their best or even acting out of what they think love is. Before we judge someone’s actions, it would serve us to understand their intentions, conditioning, and limitations. In conclusion, actions speak louder than words sometimes, but not always. Authentic and vulnerable communication allows us to understand each other’s conditioning, dissolve our narratives, and then decide if we can accept someones actions. However, if someones actions are unacceptable, it doesn’t mean their itnentions are unpure, it could mean that they can’t do any better at that moment. 📸 @janedeclephotography
3 months ago
View on Instagram |
9/9

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